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Book of Guachineo
Chapter 1 1 The Dongoloids were oppressed by the Bedouins 2 This hath been five hundred and fifty years after Fartito hath written his epistles 3 And in a small hut made of mud was shat a poop from a nigga's belly button 4 And his name was Guacineo, son of Dabineo, grandson of Braapineo 5 And Guacineo had a long girth that could noth be downed 6 And so it was that he prolapsed his sire's belly button upon birthing 7 This was in a time wherein the nigga hath not the need of a wy or a Nubian Queen to be borned 8 But a hundred and thirty five years the Dongoloids hath commited the grave act of niggaslayan 9 DONGOLA hath been angered by this 10 And so He hath sewn their belch unto they mouth and closed the arsehole 11 And He turned the poop gas into fragrance 12 And this basic fragrance came out from a niggart's mouth 13 Henceforth twas called a burp by the Dongoloids 14 And so Guacineo nor his sire could noth braaaaaaaap 15 But they dabbed epic style 16 And twas that during his first minute after prolapsing his sire's belly that Guacineo learned how to dab 17 And in his eighteenth month he hath learned how to breathe 18 And in his twentyseventh month he hath learned how to crawl 19 And in his fourtyseventh month he hath learned how to belch 20 And in his fivetyseventh month he hath learned how to whip 21 And in his sixtyfifth month he hath learned how to gargle 22 But twas in his seventyfourth month that Guacineo hath learned how to walk Chapter 2 1 Upon learning how to walk Guacineo ventured mindlessly into Xuba 2 And yet Guacineo could not b*rp 3 So Guacineo while drinking swamp water talketh to DONGOLA 4 And he (telephatically) said: 5 "o' my great BLACK God! 6 Shall ye not give me the ultimate ability to braaaaap alike any true Dongoloid had since the one hundredth and fifth black sun cycle?" 7 And DONGOLA said: 8 "Aye, twas many years ago that I hath taken thath away from thee black niggas 9 Homsoever you must yet prove thineself that ye art not merely a dabber, but also a braaaper alike thine grandfather 10 Whom had been thee last braaaper upon thith earth 11 And so what thee must do is to eat thy ancient shat that thine grandfather hath pooped but not prolapsed 12 And prove theeself and thine kin worthy of Wouye" 13 And so Guacineo travelled to his father's house rape basement 14 And there he scratched his belch 15 And there he used the acid from his bleeding hand to surface the ancient shat of Braapineo 16 And so standing before him was the putrid stink so ancient that no fragrance could compare 17 And there Guacineo opened his mouth 18 And swallowed the shat whole 19 Suddenly Guacineo's anus was torn open 20 And his belch disappeared 21 And so his mighty fart descended upon the dead corpses that his sire had gathered for so many years 22 Instantly melting them with thee stink 23 And his dad was panicked and he said: 24 "What by the name of thine whip hath transpired in thith moment mine dearest and only seed?" 25 But Guacineo did not respond and merely farted on his sire 26 Guacineo telekinetically tore his father's anus open through his farting 27 And Guacineo said: 28 "Mine sire thee great DONGOLA hath opened our kin's arsehole 29 Now we can properly rape and fart like our forefathers hath doneth centuries ago!" 30 And so Guacineo and his sire raped eachother in rejoicement Chapter 3 1 After a lengthy night of raping he own sire Guacineo had drank swamp water once again 2 And DONGOLA appeared before him with a new task 3 "I shall bless thee Guacineo as the father of all niggas and as the scepter of I for all times to come 4 I need thee to travel out from thee muddy home away from thine sire and into thee outer world 5 Look for a trap so that thee may sire many descedants to inherit thine nigga braaaaps 6 And I shall bless them aswell" 7 And so Guacineo begun his long trek across the Tedan mountains 8 He hath brought with some mud to eat 9 However his sire remained 10 And so DONGOLA appeared to Guacineo again 11 "Will thee father not have the privilege to father more childrens aswell? 12 Thee must bring a trap for thine sire aswell and your brothers shalt be blessed" 13 Guacineo's arse bled a lil' bit 14 And so Guacineo continued travelling through the mountaines 15 And snow fell on him 16 Guacineo froze for he skin wassen ready 17 And so Guacineo covered himself under a wyboi's skin 18 Two days and two nights were spent under this wyboi's skin 19 But Guacineo managed to enter the prosperous and growing city of Wadai 20 And before Wadai he ripped his clothing off 21 And assaulted the nearest home to him 22 Dere he hath seened a tiny dicked nigga with a wig 23 They Soft skin was farted on 24 And it became stinky 25 So Guacineo raped the trap 26 And he gave xer the name 27 Latineos 28 And here DONGOLA blessed the couple 29 Then they fled together to the outskirts of Wadai in the Hills of Altruisis to raise they nigga babies Chapter 4 1 On the first hour of the first night of the first month of the first year Latineos hath given birth to a nigga with an arsus 2 And xer gave him the name Guaciningus due to he letness 3 And on the same night DONGOLA said to Guacineo: 4 "Your first borne child shall be of small stock 5 However he shall be the father of many peoples 6 And he shall rape many a wh*te wymyn" 7 And so as was the common rites of Guacineo's forefathers 8 Guacineo farted on his newborne son whilst on a tree 9 Such great of an braaaaaap only the ancient ones could hath made 10 By the next morning Guacineo set out to find his sire a trap 11 And there he found but a small whth slave 12 And Guacineo kidnapped the whitey 13 And gave his sire a wifey 14 And the white slave gave Dabineo many offspring 15 Dabineo's wifey first gave birth to Dachelius 16 And the second borned was Cocaineo 17 And finally on a blue moon was borned the retarded child Deshawnius 18 Like real nigga dim 19 Upon returning to Wadai the Bedouin Aemir of the town hath approached Guacineo his son his wifey and his cattle with thirty soldiers 20 The Aemir demanded Guacineo to return Latineos to the wealthy Latine family of Wadai 21 And he demanded Guacineo to strap his arsehole because he stink had grown too stinky 22 Guacineo prayed to DONGOLA with baby Guaciningus strapped behind he back 23 And Guacineo swallowed Guaciningus whole 24 So DONGOLA created a Braaap storm out of thin air 25 And the BRAAAAP storm swallowed Aemir and his soldiers 26 Then it dissappeared 27 Then DONGOLA appeared to Guacineo 28 And he said to he whole family: 29 "Thee have done very well on your quest 30 Therefore I bless thee Guacineo and Guaciningus 31 Ye new names shall be GUACHINEO and GUACHININGUS as thee shall be great kings of AFRICA whom shall sire many nations 32 And here be my words and so it be finna is" 33 Then Guachiningus pooped out from his dad's arsus Chapter 5 1 Guachineo, his father Dabineo, his son Guachiningus, and his wifey Latineos, his half-brothers, and all their belongings and a single pitbull whom they dug up from the ground travelled to the city of Wadai 2 And there they were welcomed by a grotesque looking nigra along with his pale and yellow-haired wifey 3 And they said their names were Tyrone and Erika 4 And Guachineo was welcomed at the gates by the Latine family 5 And Isauro and his wife Nahuputec were the first to meet them 6 And then Isauro's four sons accompanied him 7 And the tallest was Chileno, and then Argento, and then Guayo, and the smallest was PeruANO 8 But the families all asked in unision: 9 "Where art the Bedouins?" 10 And Guachineo repiled: 11 "O' but they challenged DONGOLA, and twas that they have all been sturck at Mount Teda 12 By the GREAT African GOD" 13 But the Latines and the Utts challenged them: 14 "What God so terrible would slaughter a whole peoples?" 15 And Guachineo redpilled: 16 "DONGOLA punishes those whom curse his children and his servants 17 'tis only but the most merciful tha Aemir and his Bedouins could receive" 18 Then Nahuputec spat on Guachineo 19 And suddenly Nahuputec lost her eye sight 20 And she belched on the floor for many hours 21 The Latines and the Utts were convinced 22 And they begged for forgiveness from DONGOLA and Guachineo 23 And so Guachineo asked of them to give over the city, their servants, and their twinks and daughters so that they may breed many children for Guachineo's kin 24 So they did 25 And Guachineo blessed them by farting on them, thereby ripping open their anuses 26 And so in Wadai for every one whom commited burpicide fifty were farted on 27 And in seven days and seven nights the city of Wadai was fully liberated from bvrping Chapter 6 1 After farting epic style Guachineo went to Aemir's palace 2 There he saw many a papyrus and statues 3 However he could not read the papyrus so he destroyed them 4 Then he begun whipping 5 And whilst whipping he found out that he could build a mini-pyramid by whipping 6 And so he ordered every grown man to whip around Aemir's palace 7 And hence he built a pyramid 8 And he named that pyramid Bihcuh 9 And every time a nigga failed to whip he had to fart towards that pyramid 10 And to this day 'tis is the custom for all niggas 11 This is now a written account of Guachineo's family 12 First he made love to Utt's daughter Arianna and she bore him Gamer 13 Then GUachineo made love to Isauro's daughter Elsa and she bore him Vanir 14 Then Guachineo made love to Isauro's second daughter Amelia and she bore him Moro 15 Then Guachineo made love to Latineos and xer bore him Espanio 16 And all was well in Wadai 17 Until a Jewish merchant showed up 18 And the Jew said: "Oyyy veyyyyy Latines and Utts are not the same people goyim! 19 They are completely different and they must fight eachother oy gevalt" 20 And so they did 21 And Isauro went to Guachineo and said: 22 "El utts have a third son my king, their heir and the strongest man in Wadai 23 La creatura, el obscuridad... he was thrown in a cave by his parents 24 And all he had was but a... magic 25 He built a wall around his caverna 26 And there he threw shit outwards 27 But he could not fart or dab or whip 28 And all he could say was 'Whiter than you ahmed' 29 Please save us" 30 And so Guachineo called a meeting between the Utts and the Latines Chapter 7 1 And it was that during this meeting that Tyrone grabbed a stick 2 And bashed Isauro's head with it 3 And DONGOLA said unto Tyrone: 4 "A playa shall not hit a playa 5 Unless he playa fuck he wifey" 6 So Tyrone was rendered nude and his BBC was no longer 7 And everyone laughed at him 8 And Isauro said to Guachineo: 9 "Ayyy gringo our familias (Utts and Latines) have been divided for too long 10 How may they be reunited?" 11 And Guachineo replied: 12 "They may be, but in times a black father may return to his wifey 13 So may a nigga rivalry be settled" 14 And so Guachineo grabbed his dehydrated pitbull 15 And there he made the pitbull rape Erika the Nord and Nahuputec 16 And while Tyrone and Isauro watched Guachineo made a campfire 17 And then he pushed the pitbull into the campfire 18 And the smoke from it was suffocating 19 And therefore both Tyrone and Isauro agreed to relinquish their grudges with one another to survive 20 Guachineo henceforth named the place of the meeting 21 Istanbul 22 Then they all left Chapter 8 1 Now The Jewish merchant Yisrael went to Guachineo's pyramid once again 2 He said to Guachineo: 3 "Oy Vey! My gabai have seen Tyrone's mutt eat over 6 million children from Wadai 4 You must confront him my king!" 5 So Guachineo, Guachiningus and Isauro's sons travelled to the cave in which the mutt dwelled in 6 There they seen the wall 7 Very large however very wh*te 8 Guachineo prepared his arsus for thee greatest fart that he could muster 9 Guachiningus and his brother-in-laws hid behind a rock 10 Guachineo unleashed his inner fart 11 Immediately destroying the wall 12 And there a very large and very black figure stepped out from the fart cloud 13 La creatura muttered words very loud and very shitty: 14 "Whiter than you Paco" 15 Then he grabbed Guachineo with his finger 16 And began to crush himth 17 So Peruano and Chileno devised a plan 18 And in that plan they would propell rocks from a bamboo stick stimulating a gun 19 And it fired 20 And once it fired la obscuridad was immediatelly thrown back 21 Guachineo then rapidly threw a net around the creature 22 And it screamed in terror 23 And so from this day on he was called Amutt 24 And Guachineo starved Amutt in his rape dungeon sayan: 25 "A nigga can't be fat lmao" 26 DONGOLA was pleased 27 So he gave Guachineo the direction to the nearest town Wadai bordered 28 And twas Darfur Chapter 9 1 Guachineo attempted to decipher the map yet he didn't know what it was meant to be 2 So he brought the greatest scholars of the city of Wadai 3 And a single scholar name Satoro managed to discover that twas indeed pointing west 4 So Guachineo gave him the hand of his father's newborn child Akeema 5 And he gave Satoro the title of patriarch 6 Then Guachineo and his general Cephus the Abyssinian marched to Darfur 7 And they went through the Nigadifi Desert 8 Many died but Guachineo continued his march 9 And whence he hath arrived in Darfur he was greeted by a burning city 10 The Bedouins had put Darfur to the torch 11 And the tribes went to Guachineo 12 And they begged him for help 13 So Guachineo ordered a prolapsed charge on the Bedouins whom were raping Nubian queens 14 And the Bedouins were drowned in anal flesh 15 And they all died 16 But the city was destroyed 17 And so the tribes led by Maat the Fool went to Wadai 18 And Maat married his daughter Sura to Guachiningus 19 And they all sharted 20 Twas epic 21 Now Guachineo had the Dongolic nomads of Darfur unified under his belt 22 However he hath not invaded the rest of Sudan 23 For DONGOLA went to him and said: 24 "O' great BLACK king, thee must not conquer thy fellow kin 25 Your kingdoms lies to the west, to the lands beyond the ocean 26 And that is where you shall built thy nations" 27 And Guachineo ate his poop Chapter 10 1 So after DONGOLA came to him Guachineo decided to start mounting his expedition to the West 2 And he would take Satoro, his half-brothers, and his general Cephus to travel 3 But as the sun began to close, the garrison of Wadai could hear horses running 4 And they saw many a Bedouins in the horizon 5 They were coming for revenge 6 Guachineo, Dabineo, Cephus, and Maat intercepted them 7 There were over a hundred thousand Bedouins led by a single man 8 And the Bedouin's name was Ibn Benis 9 Sultan of Sudan 10 Guachineo asked the Sultan: 11 "Nigga I dindu nuffin they be fragrant up in dis bith relax nigga lmao" 12 And Ibn Benis repilied: 13 "In Darfur my brother was found drowned in flesh 14 He was suffocated Ya Allah! 15 And now Bismillah I shall slay thee infidel" 16 Ibn Benis vomited on Guachineo's sire 17 And his father was immediately melted by acid 18 And so battle began 19 And the Dongoloids were pushed back 20 Guachineo took his sire to a hill 21 And Dabineo requested one last thing to his dearest son: 22 "kof kof my brotha, my kang, I have bred you to be a kang, and now my duty has ended 23 The Bedouins are too strong my son, now thee must rape me" 24 And so Guachineo did 25 Whilstwhile Maat was attempting retreat for he had stubbed his toe 26 And he opened the city gates 27 So the Bedouins breached the city 28 Nubian Queens were raped and the zoosked men were melted 29 The horrors that the Bedouins committed within Wadai cannot be described with words 30 However the Latines, the Utts, the Darfurians, and Guachineo's family managed to escape 31 Cephus reached for Bihcuh 32 And slew Maat with his stinky dagger as he had attempted to retreat 33 Yisrael was already atop Bihcuh rubbing his hands in glee: 34 "Yes it worked! Now I will become King of Sudan! SHALOM!" 35 But Cephus saw him 36 And he beheaded Yisrael with the same dagger that he had slewn Maat with 37 And with the Jew's head in his hand Cephus made a vow to protect Bihcuh from the Bedouins: 38 "'Tis pyramid be stinky, and it shalt not be destroyed as long as I am alive with DONGOLA as his covenant 39 And should the Dongoloids be overcome by heresy may it be destroyed" 40 And so Cephus was turned into Wouye 41 And the Bedouins were now unable to enter the pyramid 42 And twas that Guachineo sneaked in to the top of the pyramid with his dying sire whom hath already prolapsed one last time 43 And finally his sire made one final request: 44 "Swallow me my offspring, and with my power thy shalt surely defeat the Bedouins" 45 And Guachineo hath swallowed his sire with many a diarrhea tears in his eyes 46 Then Guachineo squatted with his mighty anus down to the Pyramid 47 And Guachineo's diarrhea missed with acid from his father's body made a river of acid 48 All the Bedouins were melted instantly 49 Ibn Benis attempted one final charge to kill all of the survivors whom were now climbing Mount Teda 50 But Dachelius drew laser from his eyes and decapitated Ibn Benis 51 For DONGOLA had seen fit to give Dachelius fiery laser for his eyes epic style 52 And as all the Bedouins were melted alive 53 The diarrhea acid poope begun to wither away 54 And as all the survivors sorrowfully mourned for Guachineo and Dabineo 55 Guachineo stepped out from the city gloriously with the Pyramid's wouye standing behind him 56 The blinding light blinded Chileno 57 But Chileno didn't notice it so whom gives a fruck 58 Guachineo embraced his son Guachiningus 59 And he told them that all twas not over 60 And that their home now hath lied west 61 DONGOLA blessed all the survivors from Wadai and Darfur saying to them: 62 "Thee have suffered many trials, but twas not in vain 63 For now thee hath a convenant with me 64 And ye shall have many kingdoms and thousands of childrens 65 But should any of ye in this Mount betray this convenant 66 Then thine nations shalt be turned to dust" 67 Now Sudan was freed 68 And the Sudanese were freed from the curse that Dongola hath placed on them 69 And they all could fart again 70 All was well